Breaking my type

First of all I want to say that I am going through something and I am on a journey, that has taken me through alot and I am learning things about myself everyday. I am learning new things everyday and I am understanding alot more about myself and the world around me. I will write a post about this on Sunday or Monday as I am busy this weekend, this post will be a little more spiritual and more honest and open, so look out for that.

But this post is about an epiphany I have had over the past few months, especially in the past few weeks.

What is a type? And why are we all stuck on “our type”?

By definition ‘type’ is ‘a person or thing exemplifying the ideal or defining characteristics of something.’ We all have our ‘types’, our likes and dislikes but when we live our life by just limiting ourselves to just our ‘type’ we miss out on a lot of experiences and we never step outside of the box that ourselves and society has put us in.

The adventure starts when we step out of our predetermined box. Our ‘type’ is the person we want as a partner; their hair colour, eye colour, breast size, dick size, do they have muscles, are they the race you’re attracted to, do they read philosophy books, are they rich? It’s the films we watch; is it a comedy, sci-fi, horror, western, war, thriller, anime? It’s the food we eat, the ‘type’ of takeaway we order, it’s the books we always read, tv shows we always watch on repeat, the games we play, the exercises we do.

We limit ourselves to only interact with what we know we will already like. I saw a tweet that said anxious people re watch the same shows cause they know whats going to happen, and I think its true. I never watch a new film cause I am anxious about whats gonna happen. I am a very jumpy person anything can scare me, so I stick to what I know.

When we don’t step outside and experience something new we are depriving ourselves the chance to learn, grow and experiment in our lives.

Our ‘normal’ changes. Our ‘type’ changes. In highschool I really was into blonde hair and blue eyes, my first partner had those features. My current partner has brown hair and brown eyes, and most of the celebrities I fancy have brown hair and brown eyes, but since I am growing wiser, I wouldn’t limit myself to just one hair colour, unlike many people, who would just stick to their type. I am not judging them, just maybe experiment a little bit, go for something different.

I have always stuck to my ‘type’, I have always stayed inside the box that I have put myself in. I only wear leggings and jumpers, I don’t experiment with my style, I only play games I know I good at, I only eat foods I know I like because I have a fear of throwing up, I only watch films I relatively know i’ll like.

But in the past few months I have grown out and tried different films, foods, styles. I have a few horror films, which I would never do cause I hate scary things, but I denied myself a part of cinema, which is annoying cause I love all things film. I went to brunch a few days ago and I wore a dress and heels, which I would never wear, I broke my style type. I was walking down the street and people were staring as it was 1:30pm, but I didn’t care I felt good.

The point is that we need to try and break out of our box and when we do our lives are limitless.

KatyNella xoxo

 

 

#20 – How I got into university

Okay, first of all, I want to say that there’s not just one way to get into uni or the job you want there are many ways to end up at your intended destination, this was just mine.

When I was studying A-Levels, I was revising but in the second year, I just didn’t go into college, when I did go in, I would spend hours in the library, just studying, but this wasn’t enough.

My friends from high school were incredibly smart, and I always felt like the loose link, yes I was in most of the top sets, but in our group, I would be the one who got a grade less than them, I always knew they would get into great uni’s becasue they were very intelligent, and I felt a pressure to be just as smart as them, so I felt I actually did belong in the group and I wasn’t the stupid friend.

In hindsight I shouldn’t have cared as much as I did, I just didn’t want to be seen as stupid and I didn’t want anyone to be like they got into all Russell group unis and Katy didn’t. So I felt an added pressure, that I put on myself, and when I feel like I was underperforming, I crumbled and cracked and I got into my own head. I feel this why now I don’t put as much effort into things, so I am not disappointed when things don’t work out.

So back to my story, I wasn’t attending college as much as I should have done, but I was revising. In my second year, I stupidly decided to listen to my college teachers and redo 4 of my first-year exams, as well as doing 6 second-year exams. I did this because they said I could get better grades when in most of them I got B’s.

This added unnecessary pressure that I didn’t need. My law teacher also wanted me to resit my first-year law exams and he wouldn’t listen to me when I said no. If I caved I would have had to resit ALL of my first-year exams, which is probably some advice I can pass, don’t go past your limit, don’t do something because someone else wants you to and just because they are teachers doesn’t mean they are always right and that you should listen to them.

It might seem like I am blaming my teachers, they were 20% of the reason why I failed, but it was completely my fault. If I worked hard I could have done it easy. I probably sat more exams, doing more subjects and was under a lot more pressure when I was doing my GCSE’s, so I could have done it if I tried.

That being said, that morning, when the results were on UCAS, I was excited. I and my friends were texting in our group chat, eager at 8 in the morning to see if we got into the university of our dreams.

When applying to uni I probably didn’t take it as seriously as I should have done. I only visited Exter uni, and I only looked at the upper class, high end, Russel Group unis. I didn’t look at uni’s that would accept low grades, because I thought that I would get high grades. I should have had a plan B, it was stupid of me to think that I didn’t need a backup plan, which is why now I always try and have a backup plan. I only looked at these uni’s because my friends were looking at these uni’s, I didn’t think of myself and what was best for me.

Probably taught me I need to be more selfish, which I have learnt and been, a great lesson to learn.

That morning I was eager to know if I would be going to the place that Harry Potter was created. As I saw that I was rejected, gave me the biggest hole in my heart, I started to ball my eyes out and my mum ran down the stairs. I felt like I was a failure, that I wasn’t going to end up anywhere (I never want to feel like that again).

Sidenote; I feel a lot that parents, school and society put pressure on us kids to do what they want us to. To me, going to uni was the only option, we weren’t taught about apprenticeships or about foundation years, it broke me when I didn’t get into Exeter. The emotions I felt, are what children should never feel like we aren’t good enough.

So that morning after crying, I spoke to my mum and dad, and we were working on ways I could go to uni. I thought about going to open university but eventually decided to apply to foundation courses to uni’s I never thought about, through the process of clearing.

The clearing¬†is a system that matches university applicants who haven’t had an offer with institutions that still have unfilled places. A foundation course is a course that makes up for the credits that you don’t have to get you into the first year of a degree course. I had 1 C and 2 D’s, so I needed extra credit to get onto the proper degree course.

When applying to the foundation courses, I switched what I wanted to do. I applied to every uni and wrote my personal statement on Archeology and Anthropology, then switched at the last minute to do a foundation course in Journalism because I thought it would be cool to interview celebrities one day.

Even though it was a conventional way to get to where I wanted to be, I am so glad it happened and I wouldn’t change a thing that happened.

There are many different options to get to where you want to be, so what I would say is research what you want. If the job you want is something you don’t need a degree for, what do you need for it? What do you need to do to get into that field? Do what you want to do.

A foundation course is great to decide if uni is actually for you, or if the course you think you might want to do is actually what you want to do. A guy in our course switched to do game design, becaus the foundation course taught him that he didn’t want to do journalism.

It is a very daunting and stressful time, don’t put any unnecessary pressure on yourself and remember every once in a while to take a break.

Katy Nella xoxo

A letter to my Aunty and Uncle

First of all, I want to thank you for sharing your wealth and making sure we are looked after.

Thank you for teaching me how to iron, it’s a weird thing to thank you for but you taught me something I will always remember and have to do in my life.

Thank you for always being there whenever we need you, looking after us when we have had operations, visiting us when we have, travelling down to spend a Friday night with us, having a takeaway.

Thank you for buying us clothes, and trying to give us fashion sense, I know I didn’t adopt it but I know Amy and Lucy did.

Thank you for being the funniest Aunty ever, especially when drunk, whenever we are out in public and you’ve had a drink you will always laugh loudly, and it makes me realise I shouldn’t care if people are looking if I am having fun that is all that matters.

Thank you for showing us what it means to live your life, you go on fancy trips and take us places I never in a million years thought I would go, so thank you.

Thank you for showing me how to be drunk. I don’t think I have once seen you cry drunk Aunty Linda unless it was with laughter. You always get up and dance, you always smile and laugh, and this is after you have had two glasses.

Thank you, Uncle David, for giving us challenging political debates, we don’t agree on many things, but we talk and discuss it, sometimes.

Thank you for giving me my love of the supernatural Aunty Linda. You and mum got me into Charmed, and thank you for creating our own bedtime stories. You bought us these cute, bedazzled pink ballerina slippers, and whenever we wore them we thought we were magic. You created a world for us, a tree that was next to your old house, that was full with tint doors, each with a different world in them, and every night we were at yours we would visit a different door, from the fairy palace to the jellybean world and MoonMoss. Thank you for giving us our imagination.

Thank you for teaching us how not to park, I am joking, but thank you for taking us places, like the safari park and the maze.

Thank you for giving me one of my favourite memories, you were screaming in terror, but it was the funniest thing ever. We were on the chair swing at Alton Towers and safe to say you did not like it, one bit but you made me laugh like you always do.

Thank you for not turning my ideas down, or making it seem like my aspirations are too big and pointless. Whenever I told mum that I wanted a camper van, she would laugh and say okay, in way that said I would never get it, but when I told you, you nodded and said okay, we can see what we can do, I remember I even pitched to Uncle David about why he should buy me the car.

Thank you, Uncle David, for teaching us to work hard, and that family is everything. You worked for a company and then one day you were the boss. It makes me proud, and happy that I am your niece because you have taught me with sheer hard work, determination and with the right people by your side you can do anything. I think this is the reason why I aim so high and have big aspirations because if my Uncle David did it, I can too.

Thank you for always taking us on shopping trips, and buying a lot of arts and crafts so we spent hours just glueing glitter on paper. Thank you for giving me a life that I never thought I would have.  For teaching me how to grow sunflowers, every summer holiday I would come and stay at yours for a week and I was so excited to spend time with my favourite Aunty and Uncle.

When I am older I want to be just as giving as you two have been.

I am so lucky to have you two in my life and I am grateful for everything you have given me. Thank you for being the best Aunty and Uncle a niece could ask for.