Lockdown Lowdown; My Thoughts

What has been happening to us all is weird. This has never happened in our lifetime, it is a worldwide crisis, a pandemic, unchartered territory for all of us, so what are we suppose to think, do and say?

My thoughts are all over the place, I am constantly putting my mind in overdrive by thinking, what the fuck am I supposed to do? Do I be productive and do stuff that I haven’t been able to do before, or should I just use this time to chill and stay in bed and watch Netflix?

The latter, I have always done, so you would think that I would start working out, start writing my blog, filming videos or learning something different, but the reality is that I have just been waking up at 3pm, watching the same old stuff over and over again then repeating the cycle the next day.

I feel obligated to use this time to change my life, start something new, be productive and I feel shit when I don’t. I feel shit because other people are making use of their time, but I shouldn’t feel that way. Everyone will go through different things and emotions, maybe this is my way of coping?

Should I or Shan’t I? Is the question, there is not many weeks of lockdown left and I feel like I have failed myself by not making the changes I want, so where do we go from here? I am going to start a series on my blog called “Lockdown Lowdown” and I am going to try and be more productive and write about everything I have achieved or tried to.

I will be putting up a list in the next few days of things I want to do in the lockdown, and if you want you can come along this journey with me, but don’t feel obliged to do anything.

For the past few years, I have always felt in a slump, I feel like I am nowhere near the person I want to be, nowhere near the things I want to do and experience and I have no knowledge to get out of this slump, but this lockdown is the chance to research, read and learn how to.

I want to become the person that I can be proud of and I am nowhere near that person.

This is it for now, so hopefully I will continue this, unlike many things I have quit in the past.

Stay safe and stay home!

KatyNella xo

#13 – Meeting new people

It is so difficult meeting new people, for anyone. When you make the decision to go to university, many people are going to a new city, and a school where their close friends aren’t going.

It can be daunting, essentially leaving the group that you have grown with and explored with. This is no way saying that you won’t be friends with them anymore, I am just saying that the security that you had won’t be there as you are in a completely different situation.

Your new flatmates, classmates, accommodation mates, they might get you and your personality they might not, but be rest assured that everyone is in the same boat, and at the end of the day, humans just want the feeling of love and protection, and friends give us this.

The freedom and love to be unapologetically ourselves. In uni, we need this to escape the stress of uni. It is a very stressful time, and having friends just to get drunk with, laugh with and watch Netflix, is honestly a great escape.

There are many different ways you can meet new people and get ready for your time at university:

  1. Look at societies and clubs that you can join – If you look at the student union page, you will see a list of clubs that you can join, as well as sports. These are a great way to find people who have the same interests as you, and that way there won’t be as much awkward conversation. Not to mention they have good nights out, if you are into that sort of thing.
  2. Look on the Facebook pages for your course – Before I started foundation year I went on the Facebook page for Journalism and either typed a post or found one of someone who was going to be in my year. We then started talking on messenger, and the first day we recognised each other and we sat next to one another. Then we went around the fair. To this day this girl is one of my best mates. It’s a great way to meet someone before, it cuts the awkwardness and you have someone to sit next to. This is also a great idea to meet your new flatmates. Go on the accommodation page, type your flat number or look for someone who already has and you can create a group chat, already getting to know the people you’re going to live with for 9 months.
  3. Go out – Go on a night out with your flatmates, this is what I did and we all became close. Just remember to pace yourself, if you don’t feel like you trust them yet. One my first student night out, I didn’t drink a lot, as it was actually my second night out ever, as I only turn 18 in July.
  4. If you don’t like to go out suggest other activities – suggest a game night, movie night, order a take-away, and just talk. The sooner you speak to people, flat and course mates, then it will be easier for you.
  5. Meet people in the same building as you – so you have other people you can chill with. Knock on the flat next door, invite them round. The rapport you build will these people will make it easier if someone is being too loud and should reduce the means for confrontation.
  6. If you know someone whose there, meet up with them – I had a friend who went to the same uni, from college, and it was so much more easier to integrate into the life of a student, cause there was a familiar face there. I knew her, trusted her, so when we went out it was fun and easy. Not to mention that there was someone there that I could talk to and hang out with.
  7. Get to know your course mates – If I didn’t get to know my coursemates then my time at uni would have been shit. I have met the best people and I could not have succeeded without them. You are going to be with these people for a potential of three years, if no one drops out. So just ask to go to the student pub, the cafe during lunch. Try to hang out with them, because these will become the mates you keep.

Those are my tips for meeting new people, please let me know your tips and if these have helped you!

On the topic of friends, I just want to shout out all the girls I met that have become my best mates and just to thank them for putting up with me! So thank you Erryn, Anne-Marie, Sarah, Finola, Vienna and Niccy! There are so many more people I have met, but these are my faves ❤ Love you all ❤

Katy Nella x

2020 New Year Resolutions

4 months too late, but here it is! This will also be what I want to achieve this year.

Resolutions

  1. Lose weight/tone up
  2. Become more motivated
  3. Become less lazy
  4. Become a better person

There are the basic resolutions. But what I want to achieve. (These are here so I can check at the end of the year if I have completed anything)

  1. See my friends more – I feel like I am a horrible friend, I don’t reach out to them enough and see them enough, so once this quarantine has ended, I want to see them a lot, cause I love them and miss them. This is defo the main priority on the list.
  2. Read more books – At least 50! I have so many books on my shelf that I haven’t read, so I need to.
  3. Learn more history – More about mythology, I am obsessed and I want to learn a lot about every countries mythos.
  4. Learn about Wicca – I am interested in the idea of Wicca and Wiccans. If I resonate with it, I want to become a practicing Wiccan, it just seems a lot and I have no one, no coven or anything and again I am lazy so, I don’t think I’d make a great one.
  5. Learn astrology – This comes with want to become more spiritual. My friends, especially Fin and Erryn are super into it, and they reignited the passion in me for astrology. They know about retrograde and shit, and I want to know about it and again just learn.
  6. A toned body – I want to look in a mirror and not hate what I see.
  7. Create healthier habits – Eating wise, mental wise, and just get into habits.
  8. Post on this blog, post on both my YouTube channels more, stream on my Twitch, create content for my blogging Instagram which is @katynellamorgan.
  9. Learn a language
  10. GET MY BLOODY DRIVING LICENCE AND A CAR
  11. Start writing more profile pieces – To build up my portfolio and to refine my writing skills.
  12. Get into a Journalism ish sort of job.
  13. Do courses, learn skills.
  14. Learn to be more motivated.
  15. Become more confident.
  16. Be less boring.
  17. Become more ethical  – waste less plastic etc.
  18. Maybe start a podcast?

Anyway, I think that’s everything, apart from monetize the blog, but I don’t get enough hits hahaha.

Katy Nella x

My Decade recap

Okay, so a lot has happened to me this decade, so I guess I am going to look back and just reflect on the lessons I have learned.

2010 – The year it started

This year I think I got diagnosed with having Idiopathic Scoliosis, and this means that there were two curves in my spine. The top one was 54 degrees and the bottom curve was 65 degrees. This lead to a lot of x-rays, blood tests and it was awful. I have a fear of needles, a deep-rooted fear, and I had to go through therapy, I know now it as cognitive behavioral therapy (if I remember my A-Levels correct) and this is where they spoke to me about needles, then they would show me pictures then eventually to have the blood drawn out.

It was about 10 weeks of therapy sessions, an hour away from where I lived, just to get one vial of blood. I was that scared and anxious, but I am thankful for the nurse and my mum for having the patience with me. In the end, I got to keep a Justin Bieber annual so I guess that was good.

Scoliosis affected me a lot growing up, I was meant to only have a back brace, but because the angles of the curves were significant they had to operate, so I now have two metal rods down my spine with 36 metal pins going along the rods. I couldn’t get a proper breath, I kept yawning because my brain wasn’t getting enough oxygen, cause my lungs were being crushed by my ribs. I loved doing gymnastics when I was younger, and in PE we always did the crab, and I couldn’t do it and that’s when I knew I wouldn’t be “normal” I guess you could say.

2011

This was the start of GCSE’s. One of the most stressful years of my life. I wanted to do GCSE PE, but couldn’t and that was gutting, so I chose French, bad choice. Anyway, I was good with exams, for the most part, I revised a lot and it was a good year. I can’t really remember much from these years as they were ten years ago hahaha.

2012 – When shit hit the fan

This was the year of my op, my final year 10 exams, my DofE exhibitions, my history trip to America, my mum’s wedding. This year was busy. I had to have my op on the 28th of May, after my American trip and Exhibition, because that’s the last time I could have so I could still go on holiday with my Nanna and Grandad, as I couldn’t fly for 3 months.

I will start with the America trip. We went to New York and Washington DC as we were studying American History for our GCSE. It was a good trip, apart from I fell out with my best friends at the time, Sophie and Catharine, I mean we have fell out a lot over our friendship and I guess that’s one thing I regret, because we aren’t as close now, but they will always be girls <3, anyway we made up and then went home.

We then had our DofE, and that was great I loved it, it was so much fun. I guess I loved it because it would be the last time I could walk like that and spend time with my friends for a while.

I then had my op. This operation was a big one and one of the biggest I have ever had. They had to straighten my spine. I have so many complications since the surgery. My feet are always cold, so I have to wear socks, there is a space on the right-hand side of my back that has no feeling. I feel pressure and it hurts when something slightly touches it, but it’s weird I cant actually feel touch, and slouching, cracking my back, bending it, flexibility that’s all ut of the window.

Apart from the physical aftermath, my mental health took a turn for the worst, and I don’t think it has really changed since this moment. I had to have 6 weeks of school. I didn’t have a social life, I didn’t see my friends, my mum had to everything for me cause I couldn’t use my back. I couldn’t sit up for more than an hour, I couldn’t sit on the toilet by myself. It was degrading being a 14 year old and having to have your mother do everything, and I am so thankful she did. I felt worthless, lonely and I was really out of it.

I then had my holiday with my Nanna and Grandad, and all I can really remember from it is that I had to have my scar covered, or else I would have a tan line all the way down my spine. Anyway the sun had set and we were still in the pool, and I went in, with just my bikini top on, scar on full show, and a mother and her daughter just stared at me. And I knew they were because when I walked away they were just staring at me.

Just a tip, please don’t stare it made me feel really subconscious. It was then my Mum’s wedding, and that was great. I also made prefect for my final year. And then nothing really happened the rest of the year.

2013 – The year of Love and Heartbreak

This year I finished high school, I finished my GCSE’s, after stressing so much, I came out with 3A’s, 5B’s, 4C’s and 1D. I also got my first ever boyfriend, this year. I learned a lot about myself, love and it was a year of learning for me. This is also the year I had my first heartbreak. I don’t really want to go into it, but I learned how to love another, but also love yourself and I would continue this for the next 3 years, just learning about the world, experiencing the world and that experience has shaped me into the woman I am today.

This year I also went to college. I only had a few friends, in fact, I only had about 5. I would often spend my lunch breaks eating by myself, or studying in the library. I enjoyed this time alone, cause it felt liberating to just sit and enjoy time with myself, I got to enjoy my own company. Plus there was no one to judge my disgusting eating habits.

2014

Nothing really happened this year really, apart from me completing my AS Levels, a few college parties and that’s it. And maybe that I went into a serious mental block, ended up ditching college and I failed my A-Levels and I couldn’t get into Exeter. I felt that if I didn’t get into a Russel Group uni like my friends did that I was stupid, and I guess I just wished I realised that it didn’t matter, I just wanted to be smart like them you know? I also ended up going to therapy for my anger issues and low mood. I have also had an anger problem my whole life, I have always been impulsively smashing shit, saying horrible stuff and it needed to change. This is the year I actually started my blog, one day when I missed college, so every cloud.

2015 – The year it changed.

I left college, not getting into the uni I wanted, so I ended up going to UCLAN doing Journalism through Clearing. If this didn’t happen I wouldn’t have met my best friends. I am so grateful to have them in my life, they are all the most amazing people and I really hope that they stay in my life for a very long time. I also have met my soulmate. The man I want to marry, that has stayed with me through my really crazy moments and I am glad.

2016-2019

I am just going to merge these years together. My uni years, some of the best years of my life to date. I have cried, laughed, puked, screamed, even pissed myself a few times drunk, but I would not have changed it for the world. I created great stories. Learned a lot. I spent a lot, in my overdraft 90% of the time. Cried either whilst drunk, sad, in a dramatic meltdown. I have volunteered my hours. I have proven to myself that I can do anything as I got A FIRST CLASS HONOURS DEGREE! I went to my first festival. I have changed my hair from brown to red to ginger to red to short to long to blue to brown too then really short, pixie cut short as I had a meltdown drunk and cut my hair, then donating that hair, to growing it out to what it is now. I have done a lot these past few years and I am so happy for every minute. And in these years my mental health has fluctuated a lot. It stopped me from attending one first-year exam, because I had really bad exam anxiety, it put a strain on my friendships as I would (and still do sometimes) wonder if they were really my friends, I would tell myself I look fat, and I am stupid so I would fail exams, I was and still am my own saboteur, and one day I will write about my ‘health’ but for now let’s just concentrate on this post and these words.

The past ten years have been a weird, wild ride. I feel like I have experienced so much, I have learned and grew. But there is still much to learn and I can’t wait to see where the next 10 years take me. I am in the driver’s seat and I know some crazy shit is gonna happen but I am excited to see where this road takes me.

What has been the highlight of your decade?

Always,

Katy Nella x