#5 – Relationships: Titanic or HMS Victory?

*Disclaimer in the sidebar*

I have only had two proper boyfriends in my lifetime. Of course I had one in primary school but that doesn’t count. I am nearly twenty and I have been single 18 years of my life. I am currently in a relationship, but I will talk about that later.

There are many relationships that can be lost or gained when you go to uni. These could be friendships or relationships. I will be talking about friendships in the next post, but for now I will be focusing on love.

I am at an age now where there are two types of people in the ‘love realm’. There are the people who want to stay single and fuck as many people as they can, they want to experience threesomes, friends with benefits, they want to go to the club and neck (snog) anyone they want without having to worry about if they are harming someones feelings.

And they there are people who want to be in a relationship, they want to feel the closeness with someone, they want to open their heart and share many life experiences with one person. They want to potentially marry this person.

I was watching something and I can’t remember what it was but this saying has always stuck with me throughout my life when I have been thinking about love and my life.

The saying is “When you are with someone there are only two options; break up or marry each other.” Even when you  have married someone there are still two options, stay together or get divorced.

I told my mum this saying and she said that you can’t go through life and constantly think about whether yo are going to stay with someone or break up. Just enjoy the time with that person, even if you eventually break up with that person, you still have some memories with that person, whether they be good or bad.

There comes a time when the person you thought was going to be your forever person, just isn’t. You grow apart, they aren’t the person you thought, or maybe your life just doesn’t  intertwine together nicely. You may have different goals. They may treat you badly and then you need to decide whether or not if your relationship is like the Titanic. Is it going to sink and never be retrievable or is it like the HMS Victory: Sailing along the waters nicely.

My first relationship taught me what I wanted in a partner, it taught me if my gut is saying get out, just leave the relationship behind, don’t try to salvage whats left of nothing. This also goes with what happens after a relationships ends. Don’t go back, you guys broke up for a reason. You can’t put back together the broken, sunken pieces of a boat. You can’t fix it, it will always will be a sunken mess.

I was single for three years after this relationship, (it ended when I was 16 and in my first year off college) and I felt so much more happier, free, and just felt like a new direction in my life had unlocked. I didn’t waste my time trying to find another relationship I just focused on myself.

I wasn’t perfect in that relationship, it brought up a lot of issues and I needed to work through them and I did. I just took time being happy with myself, and my own company, because you can’t be happy with someone else if you aren’t. You need to laugh by yourself to appreciate whatever happiness someone adds to your own.

You shouldn’t depend on someone to make you happy, they should only add to your happiness.

Uni was probably when I realised that I don’t need someone else. But having someone is just an added pleasure in life.

I have had one night stands. I don’t regret them at all. I regret how some of them happened but I don’t regret doing any of them. They allowed me to have fun, to experience a part of single life that I hopefully will never experience again. Overall I have slept with 7 people and I am not ashamed to say that this is my sex number. You shouldn’t be ashamed of fucking people, it is literally one of the most natural things in the world. So when you get to uni, don’t be ashamed, own it. It’s not the ‘walk of shame’ it’s a ‘stride of pride’.

Being single is really fun, but in my opinion nothing is as great as having someone with whom you are deeply in love with. Someone who loves you completely regardless of your history. They accept all your flaws, support your ideas, they are truly honest with you, and you can discuss your different opinions like mature adults.

I am with my boyfriend James at the minute and he is honestly the best person I could have imagined the rest of my life with. He isn’t my type. My best friend said she was surprised that I started to date a guy like James. But I could not be happier. He supports me. He knows everything about me and he doesn’t judge me. We do argue but when we do we finish and cuddle after because we can’t stay mad at each other for long.

My first relationship was the Titanic, but I feel and I wish my relationship now is the HMS Victory.

You need to decide if you are in a relationship whether it is best to jump overboard or to steer the ship along with your partner. If you are deciding on which uni to go to because of your partner, whether you want to stay close or they aren’t going, or if you have a partner that is going and you are not, let them decide on what to do.

If you want to go to uni in the north and you live in London or vice versa, you need to think of yourself as this is a huge decision. If your partner truly loves you they will let you live your dreams and they will ride out the storm with you.

You can always take a break and then decide whether or not your relationship is what you really want. That is what one of my course mates has done. She and her boy split, but they still talk as they believe that they will be together in the future, but they are still seeing if thats what they want by testing out single life.

If it’s meant to be, it will be.

This is a long ass post but it’s a major decision and it needs to be thought of.

Yours Truly

Katy Nella xoxo

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