What should I do now that my life is apart?

 

Okay, so we all have a plan, or a vision, or a dream, or a path we want to take to make the life we want, the life we think we deserve. In this dream of ours we will take a certain path, we will do everything to stay on this path, and we fall apart when our journey along this path is haltered, when it just stops. A tree has been struck by lightning and has fallen in front of us stopping us from continuing on the path. This journey; we have engraved into ourselves is the only thing we can do, we tell ourselves “This is the only path in life I can walk, I can’t go any other way, or else my life is nothing, its not what I want, this isn’t what I envisioned in my dreams”. We spend time blaming others for creating an event that stop us from achieving what we so desire, we look for reasons why everything has gone tits up, why our plan is ruined, and during this time we are so wrapped up in the events that caused an obstruction in our path, that instead of looking for another path around this catastrophe we lose ourselves in the mental destruction of our own brain, cycling in to what we feel the abyss of nothingness because we believe that our life will no longer be what we want, that it will be horrible and shitty because ‘we cant do something’. Well I will tell you something, that’s complete and utter bullshit, you can do something, you just need to leave the path and search for another one, and who knows this new path could lead you to new and even better things than you could even dream. Hard it is, searching for a rope to pull you ‘out if the abyss of nothingness’ and then finding a new route to take. I know, I have been through it.

Soon the A Level results will be released and as I have been an A2 student I have recieved the results that could get me into uni or stop me from going. Before the results I wanted to go to the University of Exeter to study Archaeology and Anthropology, the entry results were ABB, I revised so much, I did well in my exams, well with the knowledge anyway, but I didn’t answer the questions properly, I tried to but I just didn’t get what the questions meant, which isn’t stupid or dumb I just got really confused and answered them best I could.  But my best wasn’t good enough since I left college with a C in Psychology and two D’s in Business Studies and Law, obviously I was gutted I honestly felt like my whole world fell apart, I just saw that I was put in ‘Clearing’ and I burst into tears, at 8 am my mum came in saw me and made me a brew (because they make everything better) but I was in complete and utter devastation, I felt like life stamped on my heart and I couldn’t see anything clearly, I thought that my life was going to be shit because its not what I wanted, it wasn’t the dream or path I wanted to take.

My path stopped. It went right off a cliff into a huge, deep, dark ocean never to be seen again. Obviously I couldn’t not travel down that road anymore as it no longer existed, I had to look for alternative routes, and luckily I found one, through the clearing of some trees I found an untouched path full of new adventures for me to go on, full of new dreams to dream, for different people to meet, that leads to a different future for myself. Now I am going to study Journalism at the University of Central Lancashire, which is probably the better fit for me as everyone has told me that I suit that course more also its closer to my friends, my family and I will probably see more of them than I would have originally done.

So what I am trying to say is that even if you have to change your direction, and you think your plan is over, its not. When there is a spanner in the works pull it out and get the gears working again and find an alternative route that is different, brighter, more exotic, more challenging, with more excitement, danger and risk.

Katy Nella xoxo

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